false [alternate version]

I miss my breath
deep, rhythmic, pulsing
in my chest
filling me up with the season
I think my eyes burst
I cannot get the gunk out of their holes
can you see me God?
are you that movement at my side?
is it you gnawing, slopping
slathering my bits across your jowl?
I can feel heat scorching
spreading over my whole body
ashing me out entirely
where have I gone?
I’m sorry, I’m so very, very sorry
but my parts are mute, I abandoned
us here to rot a long time ago
chopped off our needs, sacrificed
my own self for a light, wisp of attention
a puny hope of a fix
for my desperate soul
an emaciated love
how can I possibly let that go?
how can I possibly not?


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