Today’s your birthday, and I won’t be calling to wish you a happy one. I won’t see you, throw a fleeting smile your way, or even share a brief hug. I hope you know I miss you, and I wish things could be different. Really, really different. Like when we were kids, except with better boundaries. I could handle it all so much more responsibly now, I could just be and so could you and we wouldn’t have to use each other because we’d be whole people. Or at least I would. I really miss your laugh, I can hear it in my head. I hope you’re okay, honest. I’m sorry I said fuck you. I’m sorry I tried to make you understand, I know it’s not fair and I don’t want to control you anymore. I hope you know what you’re doing. I hope one day we can be okay, although I’m not sure how. I don’t think I really know you at all, and now you’re gone. I want my friend back, my pretend friend. My heart still hurts. It’s been over a year. One day I’ll stop.


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