author statement

I had to write one last night for my final portfolio in my poetry class this semester and I was dreading it. Partly because I procrastinated and it was one am by the time I was finished editing and assembling my poems, and at that point I was tired (and that tired has not subsided after a large coffee and six shots of espresso), and partly because I feel awkward sometimes evaluating and defending my work and choices I made throughout.. My evaluative strong suits are critical analyses and psychological interpretation, however it’s an odd task to evaluate oneself that way–it’s way easier to evaluate others in that way (which is interesting in and of itself, if you look at it from the perspective of identity and being grounded in ones “self” to the point where you can be objective and critical without criticizing.. Also interesting is the fact that we can never evaluate others outside of our own experiences, therefore we are always projecting ourselves into every interaction–for better or worse.). It can be difficult to see yourself and your work objectively, can we ever truly be outside of ourselves? And what value would an opinion have, if not developed inside a self based on experiences and depth of understanding the self and it’s relation to the world? And what of those of us who don’t fit into the stigma of the world? Who don’t follow the rules laid out for us and play the roles predetermined from birth? My opinion has developed beyond “normalcy” and I’m not interested in perpetuating the swallowed, antiquated beliefs of my parents and society at large. I’m not very normal (and I’m ecstatic, because the more socially acceptable my presented self was, the more isolated I felt. It’s impossible to connect to oneself or other’s when one has a worthless self perception.) Anyway, I reinforced my goals for writing and sharing myself and my story as simply to share hope. Hope is a slippery emotion, but when it becomes integrated the feelings of worthlessness subside into a contentment and acceptance of oneself– it’s the greatest understanding I’ve ever gained and it is my ultimate goal to share any amount I can offer to another struggling self that they might experience acceptance of the self as well.

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