I think I may have over reacted. I grouped together a few different people and their motivations for writing me off into one person and one action and it didn’t end up being nearly as extreme an event as I thought. I’m a little embarrassed. Had I just been clearer from the beginning about boundaries, I’m pretty sure my whole neighbor situation never would have gotten so absurd. My landlord sprung into action, and put eviction on the table for my neighbors after very little prompting from me, after I had been feeling hopeless.
So.. Yay? I guess? I should be happier, I suppose. From an outside perspective I’ve “won” [the invisible manipulation battle that doesn’t actually exist] the right to live in a place where I don’t have to talk to my neighbors about issues all the time and get attacked by them.
I didn’t care about winning. I just cared about being comfortable in the place I spend the majority of my money on to live. Except maybe at the end a bit I cared about spitting them. I would have enjoyed calling the police, I think. That scares me. I don’t like when I let myself get miserable enough about someone else’s actions and my lack of response to those actions and end up feeling malicious.
I hate feeling passive aggressive. I hate worrying they might do something to make living here less comfortable than it had been. I hate hating. I’m tired. That’s where being assertive is hard, it takes almost constant action and boundary assessing. And I’m happier with boundaries, I know I am, I just feel stubborn about “having to” draw them all the time. I want to be taken care of [no I don’t]. I want to pout my way to respect [not really].
Update: after my landlord made it clear no more illegal activity could take place without strict consequences [police] my disrespectful neighbors have decided to move at the end of their lease. Is it terrible that I want to say, “awesome!” in response to that? I hope whoever moves in never gives me a reason to talk to them [unless I want to be friends].
Also, completely unfoundedassumption: today we got a reminder text from my landlord that it’s our shared responsibility to shovel and salt our respective entryways.. totally reasonable under normal circumstances, kinda passive aggressive bitch-tacular if all of a sudden the neighbors are just finding something to complain about in response to me not backing down. That being said, the walk is pure ice and needs salt.