I’m only applying to one school. Is that crazy? Not sure. Yet. What if I’m rejected? Then I’ll apply to another. Or not. Whatever feels right at that time. What if I’m accepted but the loans required are astronomical, as I’ve always feared? Then I’ll get advice and seek out scholarships and see what’s out there. What if it’s not enough? Then maybe it’s God trying to tell me it’s not right. Or. Maybe it’s just time to take a risk and bet on myself.
To succeed. Or whatever. What’s success anyway? Well, to me it’s the ability to live comfortably. A sense of peace and joy. A sense of purpose. Someone to love and be loved by. Good friends. A child or two. Letting go of control. Getting published. Spreading hope.
Hope’s a big part of it. A really big part. I hope I’m a good parent. I’ll apologize when I’m wrong, and take responsibility. At least I’ve got that much. Anyway, I’m not a parent. Or a wife. So. Doesn’t really matter at the moment. I hope everything miraculously works out [no I don’t. I hope I make educated decisions based on whatever information I’m provided, and whatever doors remain open and closed.]
I’m anxious, I think I’ll play google maps pac-man. Or work. Whatever.