Why Mother’s Day Isn’t Important to Me

When I was young I started having trouble sleeping, probably due to the steroids they give asthmatic kids.

I stayed up particularly late the night before Mother’s Day one year to hand make a journal for my Mom, repurposing my favorite holographic book covers and gluing a mosaic pattern onto a blank notebook. She might have thanked me, I’m not sure of it, or of what it said past the inscription.

Generally Mom didn’t react short of rage, so I suppose her lackluster response should have me feeling grateful. At least that’s what the world would have you believe. The power of gratefulness to remove ills. What a joke. People tell me I should be grateful for my Mom, she did the best she could. I’m not so sure I agree, is the best a person can do have children they don’t want? I feel as though that’s one of the most egregious things a person can do. Have children because they’re cute, with no thought as to how to prepare them for life and relationships outside of ones that are toxic, abusive, codependent and controlling.

It’s not difficult to fuck. Relationships are difficult. They’re even more difficult when what’s being modeled is dominance, fear, aggression, shame transference, rigid roles, double binds and the necessity to control another in order to avoid their inevitable abandonment. Why do we celebrate a woman’s ability to arbitrarily grow a life inside her she so often damages irreparably? The spark of love in their eyes so quickly turns into dark resentment.

Mother’s Day announcements on Facebook are like eulogies, an ignorant farce. No one deserves a string of perfect sentiments when they die, just as no mother deserves to only ever be “respected” by her children at the cost of their feelings [which are involuntary and valid]. People choose to have children [in actuality or through irresponsible sex], but no child has ever chosen to be born. Mothers [humans] aren’t perfect, but moment old babies¬†are pretty close to it until we crush them under the weight of our expectations.

Why should a child, who had absolutely no say in their existence, praise a parent?¬†Now I’m sure there are many reasoned responses to that question, and parents deserve just as much respect as children, but not more. No person is more inherently respectable than another person. So parents, the next time you snap at or slap your kid, withhold love, call them a brat or a bitch, a disappointment, deserving of your vile treatment because they’re such a bad boy or girl, or act like you wish we were never born [we can tell when you don’t want us, and it feels like acid] remember we didn’t ask to be here.

You made that decision and are blaming us for it after the fact. Oh, and all our bad behavior is probably due to the fact that we tried so hard to get your positive attention and you were too tired or annoyed or regretting where your life ended up to give it to us. Think hard about how you feel about your own parents, about how they drive you fucking nuts, do you want your kid to avoid you like you avoid them? Open your eyes before your kids become drug addicts and alcoholics and never talk to you again.

Note: I have a hard time believing good parents exist. Some of you may be offended by this. If you leave me a comment that is exemplary of the behavior I dictate in this post I won’t approve it. To be fair, this is my experience and what I see in public heartbreakingly often. I have hope healthy people chose to have kids and I just haven’t seen many.


8 thoughts on “Why Mother’s Day Isn’t Important to Me

    • Respect is an interesting concept.. it’s a tough thing to give to those who don’t act respectful, in which case I think all you can do is respect yourself–for me that means keeping myself safe and separate from my Mom. It always bothers me when people judge me on that, as though I’m being maniacal. The truth is I’m sad, but all I can do is take care of myself and I can’t do that when she’s nearby.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Omg! We have to talk. I am doing the exact same thing. I have to keep myself away from my mom.. or I might be insane now.. I have to be away from her.. or I will lose my self respect. I totally understand you. Believe me!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I definitely believe you. =)

      All you can do is take care of yourself, and in my case that meant drawing a boundary with my Mom and not having a relationship with her for the last five or six years.

      You wouldn’t have a relationship with someone who tortured or raped you, look at it that way. Maybe in the future when you have space and time to process you’ll be able to have better boundaries and have a functional relationship, but until that happens it’s really not good for either of you to be around each other. And that’s okay. You’re the most important person in your life, and you can only love others as much as you love yourself.


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