Eating a Hot Dog on Independence Day says I’m a true American

Ya know, cos we’re all diabetic and dying early and shit. In my office there are a few overweight women, and I told them that the veterinarian said my dog was fat and to put him on a diet. The temperature dropped twenty degrees instantaneously. I didn’t realize that word wasn’t okay to say, even if it wasn’t about a human or in a harsh tone.

I guess it’s similar to a racial slur, or a female endearingly referring to her close friends as “sluts.” I suppose it doesn’t help that I am quite thin. I’m not a part of the group who can say that word and have it be un-offensive. Thin women have no insecurities and should keep their thin lips shut, glide past and concentrate on not being blown away by a breeze.

Surprisingly, I love Continue reading

Hannah’s Back, Back Again [this time with 2x the snark!]

I got an alert on my phone that my stats were blowing up, which is remarkable given my MIA status for the past month. Three people love the shit out of this blog, they read 175 things. Either that, or they’re just really bored. It’s questionable.

I have weird feelings as of late. I have all this time since school’s out, but I feel tired all the time and just want to sleep/watch Friends on Netflix. [Which is actually kind of stressful for me, because Continue reading

cells [a poem]

sun burn, when all your uncovered cells are given flamethrowers and a hot shower trades  drops of comfort for gasoline—embarrassment is like that Continue reading

black sands

I am an island.
my trees grow knotted and gnarled, their branches jut
irregularly breeze cracks hollow limbs in half
gusts overturn—revealing insidiously rotten roots
beaches sputter up black sand, swallowing slumping tree lines
crows circle overhead—for they’ve nowhere to land
I am an island.
my current chokes, mutating clear waters into pestilent sludge
waves are snuffed, flowers wilt, my inhabitants drink and dement
they feast on infants slathered in after birth and claim not remorse
slaughter each other and slit their own throats
my black sands are not enough
I am an island.
my volcano churns vicious magma in it’s belly
thick smoke and molten lava spew
blistering my trees, setting my dead ablaze
turning my beaches igneous, squelched only by my sludge
immortalizing my seared rapture
I am an island—
and I am dead.