Eating a Hot Dog on Independence Day says I’m a true American

Ya know, cos we’re all diabetic and dying early and shit. In my office there are a few overweight women, and I told them that the veterinarian said my dog was fat and to put him on a diet. The temperature dropped twenty degrees instantaneously. I didn’t realize that word wasn’t okay to say, even if it wasn’t about a human or in a harsh tone.

I guess it’s similar to a racial slur, or a female endearingly referring to her close friends as “sluts.” I suppose it doesn’t help that I am quite thin. I’m not a part of the group who can say that word and have it be un-offensive. Thin women have no insecurities and should keep their thin lips shut, glide past and concentrate on not being blown away by a breeze.

Surprisingly, I love Continue reading

Little Hannah the Astronaut

photolittle hannah the astronaut. she lives by the sea. she trains anemones and tortoises to collect glossy sea shells, the glossy ones are the best ones to use for rocket fuel. she grinds them up in a big red compactor, funnels it into her pint sized rocket. soon she’ll have enough to set a trajectory to mars, or a worm hole, or find out what happens in a black hole. soon she’ll have enough to see the earth as a pin head, the sun as a blazing bumble bee. sea shells are small and grumble up into even smaller dust, it takes a lot to turn into rocket fuel. she wonders if her shelled friends could make the process a little quicker by giving up their homes. they’re only slowing them down, she reasons, they’re only keeping her grounded longer.